I will not

be mean. I will not squash the frogs I’ve caught. I will not call Trent’s girlfriend a gook. I will ignore your acne. I will stop making anal sex jokes. I will respect German people. I will go to your recital. I will not
be cruel to her just because she doesn’t want to sleep with me. I will not let an appointment completely destroy my day. I will not use big words like poets, maybe slushpile poets, in Chicago Review do. I will not
plan to kill whoever criticizes me. I will not make anal sex the only true test of love. I will not drink more than five ounces of liquor a day. I will
look at you more often. I promise to love you. I will not say that aloud. I will drink up the bad liquor, but that doesn't count as part of the five ounces. I will finish your assignments. I will mourn the death of your stupid cat. I will not
say anything about black postal workers at 60637. I will no longer speak of angels and devils. No, it was your stupid dog. I will let it go.